You know Cathy's incredible story from our Boomcast Community. Well now, she is back with a guest blog to share more of her wonderful and unique perspective on life. We could all use some practice in not giving into the illusion of needing to maintain control. If we open ourselves up to change and growth, the results can be beautiful...
Why is it in life that we want to stay in control over, well... everything?
Control and perfectionism are two little creatures that have been ruling over the biggest part of my life… Even aware, I still am not in control over them. ;-)
I think that for most of us, “being happy” is what every human soul craves.
We are in a constant run towards “achieving” and “reaching goals”, suffering to keep up with the pace of society. On the way, we just keep fooling ourselves we’ll finally become happy when we achieve our goals and dreams. So we’ll just have to keep those reins in hand???
Meanwhile, most of us will keep on missing the point, racing along, without a moment to lose.
Every moment in life there are hundreds of reasons to be happy, to experience the overwhelming warmth of joy; yet so many of us seem to miss them.
Hey, I’m guilty as well… It takes practice, so they say… hmm.
Being “happy” happens now, it’s a state of being… after quite some practice I can really say it is.
Ok back to “control”, as it seems to be the subject I chose to reflect about most…
Why is it that we are so bloody obsessed with keeping control over every little thing in our lives?
Is it a fear based “obsession”?
When we start to think about life and our goals and dreams we want to reach… is there such thing as control?
Isn’t it just beautiful to just set those goals, take action on making each day, a day to enjoy?
Instead we robotically race forwards with our thoughts on some “thing” that might just happen once! And we fear everything that possibly could go wrong.
If the future is unknown, why even bother wasting time on letting our minds be ruled by worries?
OK, there are things to worry about, but for goodness sake overactive mind of mine shut up… give me some space to feel satisfied over what in fact already is present. Slightly being dramatic here, I just want to point out the battle most of us go through on a daily basis!
Readjusting our mind-set indeed is quite a journey, sprinkled with loads of “trial and error”.
But once aware of the processes of self-sabotage, if we are willing to make an improvement, it’ll get easier day by day.
Believe me it’s totally worth the effort, because slightly letting go of control offers so much freedom; freedom to truly enjoy what’s already here. Everywhere around us there are so many simple, yet beautiful things, gestures, and moments to feel joyous about.
If we truly dive into the truth, only to be felt within our hearts, we’ll come to discover that there is no such thing as control.
I am not implicating that you don’t have to take action in life, but just take it one moment at a time!!
On a emotional level, everything we need is already present within us…
Try to see it as those advent-calendars we had when we were children. Each new day towards Christmas we could open a little door or window and eat that “yummiest” chocolate behind it. But only until it became Christmas.
If we could live our lives like that… knowing that our dreams and goals can become reality one day, just opening one door at a time, and feeling happy about even the littlest things behind the door of that day… How much easier our lives could become!!!
From the moment you experience this, your mind will try to tell you different, because that’s how we are programmed to fit in the well-oiled machine called society… Don’t try to fight it, just reply “hey you silly one up there, I hear you, but let’s cut a deal and see where it goes…”. Try to stay in your heart-felt truth and be present and aware of everything. You’ll be surprised about how many details you were missing out on before!
Whenever in life we experience obstacles, big or small, we’ll soon start to think we’re doing something wrong. In response, we’ll often panic and get stuck.
If this happens, ask yourself...YES YOU! the question: “is it really such a big mistake I made?” Don’t get stuck in the “why me?”, “why now?”, “what if I had…?”,… And all those useless things popping up in our minds!
Take a moment to sit back and see a bigger picture, find different perspective and then ask: “How did this happen?”, “What lead me towards this point?”, “What is it telling me about my behavior?”
Then,”How am I going to solve this constructively, and act differently so I don’t get stuck here again…?”, “Is there something I can do about it right now?”
If such a situation is hurting you, if you’re in pain, making an effort to get out seems impossible.
Try to remember when we were young and our bodies were in the process of growing, that was sometimes quite painful as well. So whenever your emotions are hurting so much that it feels like there isn’t an end to it, try to look at it as something positive: you’re growing and overcoming obstacles. That should give you some energy to walk the extra mile… Because growth is something to be happy about, to take pride in yourself… you’re becoming an upgrade of your old self!!! Whooohooo… excuse me, I tend to say a lot of “whoohoo” these days.
Little by little, step by step, day by day I’m becoming better in the whole “letting go” department. Elsa is singing in my mind all the time… but yes… there is still the distance to go.
Then, there’s the other illusion, the one of balance between our busy minds and passionate hearts. It has always been a struggle for me, but I am realizing how it is just an illusion. Whenever I overcome yet another step in life, I boldly start to think… “Hooray, finally I am balanced!” but then another setback, another blocked insight or another emotion will arise … We do not need to always maintain balance. I’ve gotten better at seeing the adventurous beauty of the “game” that’s called life! (woohoo my own, personal version of “Game of Thrones”… But I like to think in mine “summer is coming”, not “winter”… I’m so sorry John Snow!)
We’re quite the complex kind of monkeys, aren’t we?
I always find comfort in believing that everything happens for a reason, sadly with some things it takes years to discover the true reason within… But I became a better “profiler” on that aspect as well!!!
Woohooow this “monkey” is evolving.
I think many of you will agree with me on things that once seemed so important and so heavy to bear, after a while won’t seem such a big deal anymore.
It all seems quite simple while writing it down, I admit … but bloody hell the walls I’ve already hit in the past (when winter was present!). There will be some more walls to crash into in the future.
But do you know what? I’m happy I didn’t avoid them!!!
I realized not so long ago, that nothing is as important as it seems in the moment.… Because as long as you have yourself, you’ll have all that you need… everything that’s added, is just an amazing “plus”!
The moment we become aware of being a soul inside our body that’s just a vessel, we have to take good care of it! A vessel to carry us on this journey called life, being part of a bigger whole…
Humanity, nature, our beautiful planet… we all affect them.
We’re living in this world of duality, in itself it is already quite confusing.
In this society advertising, media, and our surroundings are constantly telling us the need to pursue material stuff and even obligating us to do so in order to keep being to be a part of it… in order to achieve happiness…
It is confusing us, because on one hand we are shown without a break that we need all of that to be happy, when on the other hand our hearts are trying to make clear the things we truly need and are keeping ourselves from!
I’m guilty of sometimes thinking how nice it would be to go and live in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by some good friends and awesome horses… But then I realize I wouldn’t be able to make an effort in turning things around for the better in this world in that way!
For me, it seems that the real exercise is to keep participating, without forgetting about who and what we truly are and need. Trying to do the best we can to improve life on our own little scale, keeping the faith that whatever we’ll have to face, we’ll manage, like we so often have. Everything is already as it should be!
As long as we remain honest, respectful, loving and true to who we really are … That’s already quite the exercise in keeping the balance!!
Oh, wow yes “control”, off I went again…
As long as we try to hold on to the illusion of control, we’ll just keep fighting ourselves and find life fighting back at us as well!
You’ll never know what tomorrow will bring, just be the most beautiful version of you; towards yourself and others. Relax, take action within your reach, and have faith that everything will be ok, and it will turn out to be quite awesome indeed!!
Because, in the beauty of perfection lies an enormous amount of chaotically perfect imperfection!
As for me, I think I’ll have to reread this again and again, as I’m sure you will too. I often get caught up in useless and stubborn acts of battling life and its situations. Even if I know I shouldn’t…
I think it’s a journey, a process in life… But I’m so happy I have already improved this much!
I’ll keep on enjoying the silly, hungry (for life) monkey that I am.
Sorry, John Snow… but again, I’m done with winter!! :-P